Fred Hudson at 59: A Curmudgeon*
It’s an open question as to whether men or women get grumpier as they get older. Some studies suggest men get grumpier; some studies suggest women get grumpier. The last thing I read was from the internet (Where else? Since it was on the internet, I know it was true. You’ll just have to trust me on this) in 2002. The study said men get grumpier than women because their testosterone level drops as men get older, duly affecting their brains and therefore their behavior. Men start to suffer from “irritable male syndrome.”
Shortly after reading this, I had a conversation like this with my wife.
“You’re getting grumpier by the day.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are!”
“No, I’m not. My testosterone level is a bit low today, that’s all. It’s scientific. Now BUZZ OFF!”
Needless to say, that ended our talking for a while.
SO I’m getting grumpier as I get older. Isn’t this one of the privileges of aging?
Little things have started to bother me that didn’t use to bother me.
Little things that people say irritate me. Like “Have a good one.” That grates on my nerves for some reason. Also: “Have a blessed day.” Why that one? I don’t know; I just don’t like it.
I get ballistic when I see people parking in a no parking area just they can run inside a store and not have to walk so far. I see one of these cars in front a store where someone thinks they’re just running in for a second and I want to ram the car at 90 MPH.
I tried to call my local Wachovia Bank (the local number) to check on my money. Wells Fargo and Citibank are circling Wachovia like vultures circling a dead carcass.
I asked for Gwen, the teller I’m used to seeing.
Instead I’m talking to someone in Bombay, who, of course, has no idea who Gwen is.
Can’t I please reach the local bank directly and talk to Gwen?
Miss Bombay says, in effect, no, and then she has the gall to ask me if there is anything else she can do for me.
“Yes,” I scream as I slam the phone down. “You can learn to talk ENGLISH!”
So I’m getting grumpier as I get older. I say I’m privileged to do so.
*For those of you who haven’t been to college, a curmudgeon is a grumpy, irascible, complaining person, usually over 50.
Shortly after reading this, I had a conversation like this with my wife.
“You’re getting grumpier by the day.”
“No, I’m not.”
“Yes, you are!”
“No, I’m not. My testosterone level is a bit low today, that’s all. It’s scientific. Now BUZZ OFF!”
Needless to say, that ended our talking for a while.
SO I’m getting grumpier as I get older. Isn’t this one of the privileges of aging?
Little things have started to bother me that didn’t use to bother me.
Little things that people say irritate me. Like “Have a good one.” That grates on my nerves for some reason. Also: “Have a blessed day.” Why that one? I don’t know; I just don’t like it.
I get ballistic when I see people parking in a no parking area just they can run inside a store and not have to walk so far. I see one of these cars in front a store where someone thinks they’re just running in for a second and I want to ram the car at 90 MPH.
I tried to call my local Wachovia Bank (the local number) to check on my money. Wells Fargo and Citibank are circling Wachovia like vultures circling a dead carcass.
I asked for Gwen, the teller I’m used to seeing.
Instead I’m talking to someone in Bombay, who, of course, has no idea who Gwen is.
Can’t I please reach the local bank directly and talk to Gwen?
Miss Bombay says, in effect, no, and then she has the gall to ask me if there is anything else she can do for me.
“Yes,” I scream as I slam the phone down. “You can learn to talk ENGLISH!”
So I’m getting grumpier as I get older. I say I’m privileged to do so.
*For those of you who haven’t been to college, a curmudgeon is a grumpy, irascible, complaining person, usually over 50.
posted by Fred Hudson at 10:15 AM
3 Comments:
I reckon there are worse things about growing older than becoming grumpier.
I say "Have a good one" sometimes. I think it is a guy thing. Never heard a girl say it.
Telling a girl "BUZZ OFF"... Does that stop all girls from yacking?
No, Freddy, it does not stop all girls from yacking when you tell them to buzz off. It simply irritates them, I believe. I think you will find that when girls are irritated, they retaliate very subtly. Sometimes, they burn the eggs just enough that you have a scorched taste in your mouth for the rest of the day. Sometimes they put too much detergent in when washing your underwear. Sometimes, they simply shave off your eyebrows when you are asleep and then set your hair on fire. Of course, the last one is not really subtle, but you get the picture.
You girls really are a mystery. No wonder we guys can never figure you out.
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