The Big Red Cadillac at Cracker Barrel
As a keen student of the World of Cracker Barrel, I am always on the lookout for new developments at my local Pelham Cracker Barrel. I was not disappointed yesterday.
I get out of my old run-down automobile and as soon as I do, I see a big red El Dorado parked in the first handicapped spot in front of the door. That thing looks as big as a tank. It’s well-polished, flashy--- sticks out in the CB parking lot where I am not used to seeing such fancy cars.
I walk by it heading for the door, thinking I might reach out and touch it---the closest I might ever come to such a fine vehicle. But quickly I come close to having a HA as this huge white dog lunges at me from the backseat. The window is cracked. All I can see is a big white blob and barred white teeth at the crack of the window, teeth that would apparently like to tear into me. Scares me to death I’m telling you!
Just then three senior citizens walk out of the front door and onto the porch---a portly man and two portly women.
The man looks at me standing by his car and says, “Hey—looks like you’ve met Milly! Don’t worry. She won’t hurt you.” (But don’t open that car door I’m thinking!)
“Nice car,” I manage to stutter-say.
“We like it. Something to get around in,” the man says and laughs loudly, waving his toothpick like a baton. Sure, retired people, I think, with lots of money, a little Caddy to get them around Pelham. It’s just that A BIG RED CADDY SEEMS INAPPROPRIATE AT A CRACKER BARREL. Don’t you think?
The two ladies are gabbing, waving their toothpicks also. I think it’s disgusting. I don’t mind toothpicks, but I gag seeing people slobberingly waving them between words.
“Milly there rides with us,” the man continues. “She wouldn’t hurt a fly, but she does know how to scare people.” He laughs loudly again. It occurs to me that he might now be laughing at ME, but I don’t say anything.
The three get into the big red Cadillac as I proceed into the restaurant. I hear one of the ladies say, “My chicken was over-cooked.” My guess is that they probably didn’t leave a tip. You think? You drive a big red Cadillac into Cracker Barrel and you probably complain about everything. I should have looked to see if they actually had a handicapped sticker on their car. I doubt it. The Pelham PD would probably never ticket that automobile, and the owners know it.
I get out of my old run-down automobile and as soon as I do, I see a big red El Dorado parked in the first handicapped spot in front of the door. That thing looks as big as a tank. It’s well-polished, flashy--- sticks out in the CB parking lot where I am not used to seeing such fancy cars.
I walk by it heading for the door, thinking I might reach out and touch it---the closest I might ever come to such a fine vehicle. But quickly I come close to having a HA as this huge white dog lunges at me from the backseat. The window is cracked. All I can see is a big white blob and barred white teeth at the crack of the window, teeth that would apparently like to tear into me. Scares me to death I’m telling you!
Just then three senior citizens walk out of the front door and onto the porch---a portly man and two portly women.
The man looks at me standing by his car and says, “Hey—looks like you’ve met Milly! Don’t worry. She won’t hurt you.” (But don’t open that car door I’m thinking!)
“Nice car,” I manage to stutter-say.
“We like it. Something to get around in,” the man says and laughs loudly, waving his toothpick like a baton. Sure, retired people, I think, with lots of money, a little Caddy to get them around Pelham. It’s just that A BIG RED CADDY SEEMS INAPPROPRIATE AT A CRACKER BARREL. Don’t you think?
The two ladies are gabbing, waving their toothpicks also. I think it’s disgusting. I don’t mind toothpicks, but I gag seeing people slobberingly waving them between words.
“Milly there rides with us,” the man continues. “She wouldn’t hurt a fly, but she does know how to scare people.” He laughs loudly again. It occurs to me that he might now be laughing at ME, but I don’t say anything.
The three get into the big red Cadillac as I proceed into the restaurant. I hear one of the ladies say, “My chicken was over-cooked.” My guess is that they probably didn’t leave a tip. You think? You drive a big red Cadillac into Cracker Barrel and you probably complain about everything. I should have looked to see if they actually had a handicapped sticker on their car. I doubt it. The Pelham PD would probably never ticket that automobile, and the owners know it.
posted by Fred Hudson at 12:03 PM
2 Comments:
I've always said you should be aware of anyone who drives a red Cadillac, especially in places like Pelham. You never should have made eye contact with them.
I will add Pelham red Cadillac drivers to my list of people to avoid eye contact with along with insurance salesmen, Republicans, and rabid Alabama fans.
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