How to Identify and therefore Avoid Boring People
NOTHING annoys me more than boring people. I can deal with obnoxious people. I can deal with ignorant people. I can deal with arrogant people. I can even deal with stupid people. What I can’t stand is boring people. Herewith is my guide to identifying BORING PEOPLE. The point is: you need to AVOID these people rather than deal with them. Life is too short to waste time dealing with boring people. The trick is to identify them, and once identified, AVOID THEM.
1) People who enjoy talking about the weather are boring people. Tornados and hurricanes ---inclement weather--- is worth talking about; the everyday weather that is the backdrop of 99% of our lives is not worth talking about. As a topic of conversation, normal weather is worth no more than 8 seconds of comment.
2) People who read the airline magazine when they are flying are boring people. If this is all you have to read while flying, you are not worth my time.
3) People who thrive on popular culture are boring people. The minute you start talking about Anna Nicole Simpson (or is it Anna Nicole Smith?) I know you are a boring person.
4) People who can get into heated arguments over which bathroom tissue is best are boring people. We use Charmin in our house, but I do not wish to discuss it.
5) People who talk about “ the good old days” are boring people. But’s it’s OK for ME to talk about MY good old days. But if YOU talk about YOUR good old days, I peg you as a boring person.
6) People who show home movies or pictures or slides from their vacation are boring people. You’ll never catch me doing such a nefarious thing. (But I DO have some great footage of our vacation last summer in California which I’ll be glad to show you.)
7) Here are some limits to not being a boring person.
You are not allowed to talk about your normal aches and pains until you are at least 65.
There is an 5 minutes time limit on talking about your problems at work.
There is a 4 minute time limit on talking about your kids.
There is a 3 minute time limit on talking about what you would do if you were suddenly rich.
8) In general, if you wish to talk about a subject about which I am not interested, you are a boring person. If you do not care to talk about a subject about which I am interested, you are a boring person.
9) Gossip is OK if done in moderation. But if all you do is gossip, then I will put you on probation. Unless, of course, it’s good gossip that I’m interested in; then I’ll keep you on my list of unboring persons.
10) People who talk about themselves continuously are boring people. They can only talk about themsevles and their whatevers. Such people get in the way of my talking about what’s on MY mind.
11) People with whom there is NOTHING to talk intelligently about are boring people. The weather, what’s on TV tonight, and who has the best hamburger in town doesn’t cut it.
12) People who can talk nonstop without saying ANYTHING are boring people. I’m to the point where I say, “I’m sorry, but it is obvious that you have nothing worthwhile to say. Pardon me, I have to go floss my teeth.”
1) People who enjoy talking about the weather are boring people. Tornados and hurricanes ---inclement weather--- is worth talking about; the everyday weather that is the backdrop of 99% of our lives is not worth talking about. As a topic of conversation, normal weather is worth no more than 8 seconds of comment.
2) People who read the airline magazine when they are flying are boring people. If this is all you have to read while flying, you are not worth my time.
3) People who thrive on popular culture are boring people. The minute you start talking about Anna Nicole Simpson (or is it Anna Nicole Smith?) I know you are a boring person.
4) People who can get into heated arguments over which bathroom tissue is best are boring people. We use Charmin in our house, but I do not wish to discuss it.
5) People who talk about “ the good old days” are boring people. But’s it’s OK for ME to talk about MY good old days. But if YOU talk about YOUR good old days, I peg you as a boring person.
6) People who show home movies or pictures or slides from their vacation are boring people. You’ll never catch me doing such a nefarious thing. (But I DO have some great footage of our vacation last summer in California which I’ll be glad to show you.)
7) Here are some limits to not being a boring person.
You are not allowed to talk about your normal aches and pains until you are at least 65.
There is an 5 minutes time limit on talking about your problems at work.
There is a 4 minute time limit on talking about your kids.
There is a 3 minute time limit on talking about what you would do if you were suddenly rich.
8) In general, if you wish to talk about a subject about which I am not interested, you are a boring person. If you do not care to talk about a subject about which I am interested, you are a boring person.
9) Gossip is OK if done in moderation. But if all you do is gossip, then I will put you on probation. Unless, of course, it’s good gossip that I’m interested in; then I’ll keep you on my list of unboring persons.
10) People who talk about themselves continuously are boring people. They can only talk about themsevles and their whatevers. Such people get in the way of my talking about what’s on MY mind.
11) People with whom there is NOTHING to talk intelligently about are boring people. The weather, what’s on TV tonight, and who has the best hamburger in town doesn’t cut it.
12) People who can talk nonstop without saying ANYTHING are boring people. I’m to the point where I say, “I’m sorry, but it is obvious that you have nothing worthwhile to say. Pardon me, I have to go floss my teeth.”
posted by Fred Hudson at 6:24 PM
4 Comments:
You are a comic aficionado. A comic genius even!
Especially like the part about flossing your teeth.
Do I sense a touch of Woody Allen in this post?
What percentage of the population do you think qualify as boring? You've cast a rather wide net here with these criteria.
I am proud to be touched by Woody Allen. That is a compliment, isn't it?
I would say that 94% of the population is boring. I thrive on finding that other 6%.
It is really quite easy to avoid boring people. If you see one coming toward you, quickly glue a quarter to the floor. When they come near, point out that there is a quarter. If they ask why you didn't pick it up, fake back problems. When they lean over to get it, you have time to run away from them. Wait--does this make them boring, or does it make them stupid?
Both I think.
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